Life doesn’t always turn out the way you want or planned. There is, I suppose, some beauty in that.
However, we all want things for our lives. But, most importantly, all of us just want to be loved, wanted and accepted. From the day we’re born it’s an inherent need for our souls.
When this doesn’t happen, more so as an adult in regards to relationships and love, it’s a very hard pill to swallow. Rejection seems to be the name of the game 9 out of 10 times anymore. The older you get, the harder it is to deal with, accept, understand, and well, get over.
Maybe like me, you keep asking yourself, why? Why did this happen… again? What is it about me? What could I have done differently? Why won’t love stay? And last, but not least, where do I go from here?
From firsthand experience I can tell you it sucks, but you’re not alone. I’ve gone through it, and unfortunately, I’ve been going through it now for the past several months.
But somehow, you’ll survive, and manage to get through it, no matter how long it may take.
Here are a five tips I’ve learned from my past experiences on how to deal with losing love, and to be honest, I’m still learning.
1. Grieve. You are grieving a loss, whether you initiated the breakup or not. Cry. Let it out. It’s perfectly normal. You’re going to have some good days, some so-so, and some that will be downright awful for a while. It’s going to take time to heal. I can’t tell you how long it will take, because everyone circumstance varies, but hang in there. We’ve all been there, just like Bridget Jones (from Bridget Jones’ Diary) wherein she is lip synching “All By Myself” in her PJs with a bottle of alcohol in her hands. Again, totally normal.
2. Try not to overthink. Oh, good lord this can be extremely difficult! Try not to think about them moving on with someone else, the painful breakup, you know, all the what if’s and whys. It only makes you feel worse. Try to keep your mind occupied. Work. Hobbies. Netflix. Friends. Writing. Photography. Whatever healthy distraction helps, do it.
3. Stay positive! Yes, the breakup sucks. Yes, it hurts. You may not ever truly understand why it happened either, but being negative about it and yourself is detrimental to your emotional health. Remind yourself of the great person you are, and the value you hold in life. Come up with a mantra such as, “I can get through this day, it’s going to be a good one.”, or “I am strong, I am beautiful, I can do this.” Any positive message/mantra that uplifts your spirit will be a good one, especially on the bad days.
4. You are worthy of love. Just because your relationship ended doesn’t mean your unworthy of being loved or wanted. It can feel like this, most specifically when it seems like it happens repeatedly. However, we are all worthy! Although, I tend to roll my eyes and sigh OFTEN when friends and associates tell me this, but love will find you (if you open yourself up to it or want it again). It will take a lot of patience, but when the time is right (so I’m told) the love you are worthy of will come along, just give it time. In the meantime, though, learn to love yourself, and know your own worth.
5. Don’t give up! This is my biggest battle. I keep referring to tips 1-4 above to get me through, but it’s still tough. A person can find themselves closing off to the idea of love after one’s heart has been shattered into tiny shards of glass. However, don’t give up on yourself or love. Fight for yourself and love every day. The thing is, there is something beautiful in all of us, in YOU, and someone, some day is going to see that, appreciate it, and love you for it. And well, even if no one does, having the strength to go on alone, to love yourself and be thankful for what you have will be reason enough to be happy.
Take it from someone who has been (and is) where you are, you will get through this. Tennyson said it best, when he said, “Tis better to have loved and lost, / Than never to have loved at all.” The beauty in that is that you know love exists, you had it, and with a little bit of hope and faith, you’ll find love again one day… and a love that will last.
~~Remember, live, love, and never ever forget the coffee~~